It shows kids that they're not wrong to feel the way they feel, and that they are accepted and loved unconditionally. Using language that expresses validation is also helpful. One useful tip for asking questions: Rather than asking your kid why they are upset about something, ask, "How does that upset you?" For many kids, this phrasing sounds less challenging or accusatory than asking why. Other kids were doing it, too, and you feel like your teacher singled you out, and that's not fair." "I think you're saying that your emotions were so strong in the moment that you freaked out."."It sounds like you're pretty disappointed about your performance."."Am I getting this right - that the way she said it made you feel like she was trying to embarrass you?"."What I got from what you said is that you feel like your friend betrayed you.".Psychologist and communication expert Eran Magen uses the helpful acronym WIG, or "What I Got" from what you said, to describe this kind of listening. Language that communicates careful listening when kids have strong emotions is similar to paraphrasing, but in a way that signals we are trying to understand their feelings. When they feel understood - and, more importantly, accepted - by their parents, it helps them to see their parents as the safe base they can come to, rather than run from, at times of stress. Careful listening helps kids feel heard, and several experts have pointed out that kids listen better after they are heard.
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